Living with Vertigo – Day to Day

I got the oil changed in my car yesterday.  That doesn’t sound like a very big deal, I know.  But it took me two weeks to work up the courage.

Not only do I have to drive there, but I have to wait for them to finish my car.  Too many opportunities to be alone if a vertigo spell hits.  So, I have to work up the confidence to do it.

I was all set two weeks ago.  Had it in my planner as a task.  But when I got up that morning, I just couldn’t do it.  Tim even offered to go with me on his Monday off, but while I wanted him to be there, I also wanted to do this on my own.  I need to do things on my own to feel good about myself.  And I have to admit, after I did it yesterday, I felt pretty good!!  I felt like my old self.

Day to day

Most of my days are very normal – physically.  I’ll find myself going about my business (at home) and feeling almost “normal”, not thinking about the vertigo.  And then I remember, and I am instantly sad.  I try not to think about it, but it pops into my head and reminds me that I’m not “normal” anymore.  I can’t just do things without thinking about what might happen.    As I said in my first post about vertigo, it never leaves my head.

Most of my days are spent at home, and I honestly don’t mind.  I love being home and I have lots of things to keep me busy.  Too many some days.  And I do venture out when I need to.  But I always stay close to home and always drive on the city streets.

Not driving much makes me sad as well.  Not only does it make me feel less independent, but I love driving my Murano.  I miss being able to go anywhere whenever I want.

My route yesterday was actually shorter in miles but 6 minutes longer than the route I would normally have taken.  That’s not a big deal and I kind of like taking a more “scenic” route.  It’s just frustrating at times to feel that I have to be so cognizant of what I’m doing.  The whole way there I was thinking about it, which is not good, because anxiety can be a trigger so it does me no good to get anxious about it.

I’ve also had a bad experience with home appointments.  I had the furnace guy here one day (in fall 2016) and had a spell.  Here I am, laying on the bathroom floor and trying to tell him I can’t come out.  So, now I get a little anxious whenever I know someone is coming and could be here for a while.  I’ve put off having our dryer vent cleaned for that very reason.  I start to feel a little worthless when I can’t even take care of these little things.

What’s next

I have a “busy” week coming up.  I have Book Buddy (my volunteer reading to 4-year-olds), a massage and a chiropractor visit.  Certainly nothing that should be stressful.  I purposely schedule things on different days to avoid overloading any one day.  But I have to get to these places by myself.  And then we leave next Saturday for Florida.  Flying doesn’t seem to bother me and for some reason, I don’t get anxious about it.  Go figure!!

When we get back, I’ll fill my last prescription for the new medicine I’m taking.  Then I have to decide what’s next.  All in all, I’ve felt pretty good since starting the medication.  But I might have anyway.  That’s what makes it so hard to know what to do.

I hate that every little feeling I have makes me wonder about vertigo.  Why am I tired today?  Why don’t I have any energy?  Why does my upper back ache?  Why does my head feel “funny”?  Why don’t I feel like leaving the house?  Would I feel all those things anyway?  I try to think back to “before vertigo”, and I do remember having those same feelings.  I’ve always been a low energy person.  I’ve always been an introvert that prefers being home.  And I’m 61 years old so I’m going to have aches and pains, right?

My primary doctor, when I had my physical in December, suggested my next step should be to add the migraine medication to what I’m already taking.  I like that she tends to be conservative and I trust her judgment.  But it won’t help me on a day to day basis, as I still have to wonder if today’s the day I’ll have a spell.

Gaining confidence

The longer I go without a vertigo spell, the more confidence I gain.  It’s been almost 5 weeks since my last one.  I’m starting to feel a little more normal, but those first couple of weeks were hard.  I just have to gut them out and try not to feel too sorry for myself.  I’m sure most people don’t know what I’m feeling inside, as I can put on a smile and tell myself I’m doing great.

I hope you don’t mind that I’m using my blog as therapy!!

I’m so looking forward to spring and spending more time outside.  I seem to do better then.  And I’ll continue to venture out on my own at times.  After all, with all my sewing, I’m going to need more thread!!